Johnny’s World: The Debate

March 28, 2013 8:16 AM40 comments

besenmugThis week is a historic one. The Supreme Court heard the cases of the California gay marriage ban, or Proposition 8, and the federal Defense of Marriage Act. As a gay man, I am used to arguments about my way of life and my apparent “choice” to become gay but to be honest, I pay very little attention to negativity surrounding my lifestyle as I don’t want it to hinder the life I’m actually living. When LGBT stories are in the news, though, I pay attention to get a feel for what the opposition is using as grounds for argument and how it is still possible to have widely accepted discrimination in this great country. I want to know why they think they can treat me and others like me as second-class citizens.

As a small-town kid, with stereotypically normal family members who pay taxes, go to work every day and raise their families as best they can manage, I am aware that different lifestyles, cultures and colors of skin can seem daunting, not because there is actual fear, but fear from not understanding how it feels to be different. My father can’t understand what it means to be a gay man, even though he tries very hard for me. In the same way, I don’t understand what it feels like to be a woman of color, even thought I try very hard for Whitney. Many people try to understand what it means to live differently but, shockingly, many more respond to face values and what they learn through TV programming and the newspaper.

Despite our proud nation being built upon personal freedom and equality, we have never really seemed to walk the walk. Slavery was abolished in 1863, women got the right to vote less than 100 years ago, and it was only in 1964, when my parents were 7 years old, that the Civil Rights Act was passed. The United States was founded in 1776. The fight continues for all, but what is taking so long? As long as there were humans in this country, I can guarantee there were a few gay reps among them. I find that the average person thinks of gays either as fabulous, clever and well-dressed best friends, or pedophiles, club and drug addicts and/or the carriers of AIDS. That is quite a wide berth.

There are stereotypes attributed to every creed and color, but they only come into play when needed to protect the accuser. When it comes to gay marriage, I hear a lot of church speak and child welfare questions. Apparently, the stereotypical gay couple can’t let the gay rub off on their children, adopted or surrogate, because they’ll be a burden on society later, and it will apparently agitate Jesus. If there is any question of gay parents’ abilities to raise a child, I refer you to Zach Wahls (if you are unfamiliar, look him up). As far as Jesus is concerned, I’ll let you know what He says when I talk to Him tonight. “Now I lay me down to sleep…”

Being gay was not my choice. It is a gift that God bestowed upon me. I am the same in my differences. I am the same in my inability to choose my way of life. I am the same in my strength. I am the same in my weakness. I am the same in my ability to fall in love when I least expect it. I am the same in my inability to choose who I love; it comes from the soul. The people in charge of my community’s destiny and our rights have the right to choose what’s right for us but they think they have no similarity to us, that we are too different. Little do they understand, we are the same, and we deserve nothing less or more than the same.

  • http://www.facebook.com/judi.zimmerman.9 Judi Zimmerman

    beautiful and true as always

  • Keri-Lynn

    Johnny….if I don’t pay my electricity then it gets cut off. To turn it back on, I must pay a reconnect fee and other penalties for what I chose NOT to do. If I don’t pay on my credit card on time, a late fee is charged to my account along with possibly other fees. If I don’t pay my water or garbage pick up, I’m charged a penalty to reconnect my water and/or I pay health fines to the city. If I don’t pay my rent or mortgage on time, I’m charged a penalty and fees. If I don’t pay this (on time or otherwise), then I’m either evicted or I go into foreclosure. Also, and in either case, my credit score takes a hit.

    In all things with regards to life, there is what you choose to do and there is that which you choose NOT to do, and both have consequences that are lasting. Likewise, there are people within one’s circle who can and will and DO make choices that can and will and DO affect you, or these people can choose NOT to do something for or to you, or they can choose not to LET or ALLOW you to do something, and this…too…can have dire and lasting consequences. When others do or don’t do something to or for you, the “trickle down” effect to others within your circle in either case can be extreme, costly and/or injurious. To say that something, anything, was/is not your choice and/or to say that something is “beyond my control”, you are in effect saying that someone else, someone other than yourself, made or is making that choice FOR you. I choose to believe that for the most part, we are always in control of our own destiny and can make our own choices. I choose this because the latter would suggest and make me sound immature and irresponsible; two negative traits I work diligently at controlling and/or getting rid of in my life. For example: Just like I can choose to go or NOT to go to T&C (the honeymoon & adult playground capital of the world) with a guy who recently asked me to go with him, and who’s willing to pay my way, as long as I agree to do whatever HE wants. Right?

    In life, you see, the outcome is almost always generally based on one of two choices: That which you choose to do and that which you choose NOT to do and both have consequences for good or bane. The secondary, off-shoot of this: Judge not, least ye be judged, also…..ILUxo.

  • http://twitter.com/JEKitten jenn k

    Best column yet, Johnny. If only we could all celebrate the things we share instead of letting others use our differences to divide us. Beautifully said.

  • http://twitter.com/ElkMiss Miss Anne Elk

    Well done, dear boy! Of course your sexual orientation is not a choice, but it is the antagonists’ choice to acting on their hatred and “godly” ignorance to hurt minorities and keeping them away from their basic rights.

    Change is in motion, it will happen whether they like it or not. You continue not paying attention to hate-filled, vociferous opponents, and continue to enjoy your life.

    You have proved yourself worthy!

  • TAB

    LOL guess I’m the confused one. Sry, but you went to an island with a female (ok, “friend”, whatever) and you’re a gay man? And this was before Vit, so IDK, but it sounds to me like you’re really just gay curious or bi curious and maybe you don’t want to admit it just yet. Sounds like you’re still searching somewhere deep inside cuz a part of you’s not sure. IDK but I think I’ll take a “wait n see” on this. Thx.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1129711242 Meredith Miner Reese

      LMAO!!!! Okay, seriously? Should I even bother to comment on this? Maybe… FRIENDSHIP. Both boys and girls have them and guess what… SOMETiMES.. they even are friends with EACHOTHER!! WHAT?? It’s true. I’ve slept in the same bed with my best friend on vacation but we’re not lesbians. I go out on ‘dates’ with my male best friend and we manage to not have sex or get engaged.

      • Tru

        Wow. Way to let your snarky shine thru, Merd.

  • http://twitter.com/ElkMiss Miss Anne Elk

    What am I reading in the comments, dear boy? How is that possible? How can a gay man go on vacations with… oh goodness, a female friend! How dare you have female friends?

    You get the freakiest comments in this column! Where do those loonies show up from? What an eccentric performance they do!

    Well then, Johnny Weir, enjoy your marriage to your husband and enjoy your friendship to your friends even the female ones! :)

    Keep yourself beautiful and happy.

    “All brontosauruses are thin at one end, much, much thicker in the middle, and then thin again at the far end.”

  • TAG

    Unwarranted and snarky comments aside; thank you Johnny for letting us into your world, but please be careful. A sensitive soul, such as yourself, should almost always err on the side of caution, for all reasons and in all relationships.

    By the way, that was quite a burp, Miss Ann. Indigestion? I think Johnny mentioned at one time that he was against childish name calling. The comment you post here or anywhere else tells more about what and who you are; as well as your internal thought processes, your aim and your goals. Obviously, you’ve never been to T&C or you’d have a much better and more ADULT understanding of the situation at hand; as well as why some rightfully question Johnny and some of his, shall we say, more dubious contradictions; of which even Johnny has and would admit to having. I don’t think the issue had anything to do with whether or not Johnny can have or should have “female friends”. But having stated that, most gay men would much rather go to T&C and be seen in the company of and with another gay man than with a female friend, given the choice. It’s a bit laughable but also sad to see that the comment irks you so. Why?

  • MartinR80

    “There are stereotypes attributed to every creed and color, but they only come into play when needed to protect the accuser.”
    Ain’t that the truth? It’s always super convenient!

    I’m hopeful this time, even if SCOTUS decisions when they come in June aren’t the ideal ones, they’ll be still good and a big first step.

    Good article, Johnny Weir!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1129711242 Meredith Miner Reese

    I knew it.. I knew you were not REALLY gay.. you have friends that are female and I JUST KNOW you’ve gotten naked with them!! lol Tell your husband to get back out there too… there’s no way he’s gay. He’s just confused.
    omg.. the people!!
    Love you, as always.

    • Tru

      LMAO, Mered, even Vic agreed on BGJW 2 to dating a female, like he was engaged or going steady with this woman, before he and Johnny were introduced. I’m not making this up. Out of his own mouth, he admitted this. I realize people can break up or whatever but still. I just wish some fans would stick to ALL the facts once they’re out there, k?

      • BlahBlah

        Come on, Tru. It’s perfectly fine and ok for a gay man to take a straight female to an island where only the western far-most tip of it is for families on vacay, and the rest of it about 95% is for extreme hedonistic, pleasure seeking ADULTS ONLY. You really shouldn’t expect the majority of Johnny Weir’s to understand an environment like THAT one, eh? It may be a bit much for them to grasp. Just sayin.

        • Bella

          How many Johnny Weir fans and friends have ventured onto a truly hedonistic, adults only island with all that it entails. Does anybody know? From the sound of their negative comments, I’d wager not many if any.

          • Tru

            I doubt any of Johnny’s fans have stepped two feet into that kind of environment, but a small group of his fans are going to argue their point anyway because they must always be “right”. So, there. It’s impossible to teach a pet rock to rollover on it’s own.

  • http://twitter.com/ElkMiss Miss Anne Elk

    Dear TAB, TAG, KEL, BOT, do not fret, troubled child, your old, overused nonsense being brought up for public whatthehelling once again, can not irk me!
    It is amusing you don’t realize everybody already knows your game, it is boring and only you and yourself believe your silly comments.

    “But you try and tell the young people today that… and they won’t believe ya’.”

    • Tru

      Not everybody see’s things your way, Ann. Just because they prefer seeing the whole truth and not just the parts of your truth that you wish to see doesn’t make me or them a bad person. You appear far more “troubled” than anyone else here. The only game I see being played here is by the same, small handful of Johnny Weir’s same ole little cliche of high-school-er-fan-gurly fans who have families they hardly see because they’re too busy coming here to post their small, insignificant opinions as if it holds any real value to the people who are actually involved here. We’re all so busy being so silly, really. Aren’t we? You and this small group are the only ones who believe in yours.

    • http://twitter.com/BaronessGabi Gabriella Tomanovits

      Sorry, I’m apparently slow. Whatthelling are TAB, TAG, KEL, BOT?

  • Tru

    Oh, how the blind immaturity ensues with it’s blind hilarity. Truth: You cannot make people see that which they do not wish to see.

  • http://twitter.com/ac_bitter AB

    Beautifully written and expressed, Johnny. Thank you.

  • http://twitter.com/j66s j66s

    Good stuff, JW! Love to you and yours! <3
    Something I read for a class that fits perfectly on the subject of equality in civil rights and liberties: "The Most certain test by which we judge whether a country is really free is the amount of security enjoyed by minorities." Lord Acton.

  • Bella

    “I am the same in my inability to choose who I love” “Inability”? I guess, but we each should choose who we want and wish to love. You, and you alone, should choose who you give your heart to. If not, then someone may get chosen or selected for you and you’ll miss out on all the joy and love that could have been yours; that God intended for you to have as your own. I often wonder sometimes how God can work his plan when he gave us all the gift of free will, and it seems there’s so much manipulation going on. It’s just so unfair.

  • Nada

    “Dear boy”??? LMAO! Dear God, I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth!

  • http://www.facebook.com/judi.zimmerman.9 Judi Zimmerman

    Are there actually people who doubt Johnny is gay?? Please tell me I am so tired from a stressful week that my brain is not processing these comments correctly. Of course Johnny is gay, he’s never wanted that to be the one fact that defined him as a person so in the past he never spoke of his sexuality. I’m sure Johnny has friends who are straight, gay, bisexual, male, female and probably tranny. And for those who don’t think a gay man can be friends with a woman, go to Netflix and rent Will and Grace.

    • http://twitter.com/Mr__Gary Mr. Gary

      If I’m not mistaken, Will & Grace dated….

      • http://twitter.com/BaronessGabi Gabriella Tomanovits

        :-)

  • http://www.facebook.com/schismatic.beam Schismatic Beam

    The more people learn about LGBT, the more they realize how very similar people all are. Thank you for sharing your world and helping to build those bridges. Gays like yourself and Victor were blessed by the Creator with many gifts and talents. I hope this Supreme Court is as smart and visionary as a goodly half of its citizens are. Thank goodness for the brave, brilliant 1968 Supreme Court which struck down prohibitions against mixed race marriages at a time when only 20% of the US population approved of mixed race marriages. Here’s hoping that LGBT can get married anywhere in the US soon and they can feel like first class citizens will full rights due to them.

  • http://www.facebook.com/marilyn.willett.5 Marilyn Willett

    Johnny, YOU you who seems to be very particular about everything! what you eat, how you move on the ice, what you wear, ect. there is no way YOU din’t chose to be gay or to love a man. You wouldn’t drive or buy a car which you din’t chose, let alone have sex with somebody if YOU din’t make the choice. I love you a lot but I say Johnny Weir makes his own choices.

    • http://www.facebook.com/judi.zimmerman.9 Judi Zimmerman

      Just like you cannot choose your eye color or your skin tone, you cannot choose whether or not you are born gay or straight. You can chose how you live with what you’ve been given. Johnny and Victor are very public examples that gay marriage can co-exist alongside traditional marriages. The world did not stop turning when Johnny and Victor married, no damage was done to society and if anything, they are a beautiful example to other gay and straight couples of what a marriage is.

    • http://twitter.com/ac_bitter AB

      This doesn’t make sense, Marilyn. We don’t choose everything we have. We don’t choose our eye color, our height, our race. So it’s certainly possible–and true–that we don’t choose our sexual orientation. Did you choose to be straight, assuming you are? Could you just as easily “switch,” if you wanted to? Falling in love with a person is not the same as falling in love with a Lexus and deciding to buy it instead of a Mercedes!

      • http://www.facebook.com/marilyn.willett.5 Marilyn Willett

        who knows the future? only God. I highly doubt it but who knows I could chose to love a woman and Johnny could choose to marry a woman 20 years from now, I mean it could happen, so what would he say then about being ‘born that way’? no we don’t chose our physical attributes but we can chose what we decide to do.

        • http://www.facebook.com/marilyn.willett.5 Marilyn Willett

          although 99% i never would,, I’m just saying who knows the future only the Lord.

          • http://twitter.com/BaronessGabi Gabriella Tomanovits

            LOL… LMFAO… This is cute… the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. Thank you, Marilyn.

      • http://twitter.com/BaronessGabi Gabriella Tomanovits

        Both men and women can “fall in love” with people of both genders… and they do so all the time (ever hear of the term “bromance?” It’s very real, guised as comedy.) The problem is that society, but more so the 2 factions (straight/gay) insist that we make a choice, hence forcing us onto one team or the other. THIS is the true injustice because FEAR pressures us into a “choice” no matter how we look at it.

  • http://twitter.com/Mr__Gary Mr. Gary

    So glad you moved beyond the “marry a woman and have male concubine” phase!

  • Beatrix Zenk

    Very well written and thoughtful column, Johnny, which I loved to read and surely will repeatedly re-read. I have put a link on my phone so I have easier access to your columns.

    I find thoughts of you to think about in every single column of yours but this one stands out.

    “There are stereotypes attributed to every creed and color, but they only come into play when needed to protect the accuser.”
    That’s true. It’s important to understand the dynamics of hate and fear and how they can be and are infested into the human mind. You need to be very aware of them which isn’t an easy task since it’s easier to follow the masses.
    It’s good to see the tides are turning in favor of you, Victor and your fellow brother and sisters. That gives hope not all is lost.

    “Being gay was not my choice. It is a gift that God bestowed upon me”

    …and what a nice gift it is He gave to you.
    You have a very special soul and mind which you should continue to share so we can participate. It’s not that you can change our life but you give food for thoughts. What we make of them is ours to do.

    Please keep writing such great columns. Perhaps Victor can write a guest column about how it felt like to be in his shoes. People only learn to understand if they are told about one’s struggles and fears.

    Thank you again, Johnny, and keep going as God created you. He must have had a very good day.

    • http://twitter.com/BaronessGabi Gabriella Tomanovits

      Really? You mean you haven’t “thought” about this issue and everything that it’s related to (and that relates to it) for at least a short lifetime? How old are you?… (If you’re under 18, I apologize.) No offense, I’m just whatthehelling about most of your statements, so I thought I’d ask the stater. (No misspelling here, I’m referring to you, not to Johnny. :)

      “Being gay was not my choice. It is a gift that God bestowed upon me”

      “…and what a nice gift it is He gave to you.”

      I’m glad to see that, although you have not thought about one of the most important human issues on the planet, you have inside knowledge about God’s gender.

      • http://twitter.com/GermanSoulmate Bea

        Huh! What are you talking about, Gabriella (@baronessgabi)? Have you even read, and understood, what I wrote? I doubt it.

  • http://twitter.com/BaronessGabi Gabriella Tomanovits

    Wow, TAB’s comment was deleted? I guess it was too controversial.

  • http://twitter.com/BaronessGabi Gabriella Tomanovits

    “There are stereotypes attributed to every creed and color, but they only
    come into play when needed to protect the accuser.”

    Not true, not the conclusion. To the contrary.

    Stereotypes are constantly used in order to limit, enhance, denigrate, uplift, etc., groups/entities, according to the “user’s” motive(s)/intent. Stereotypes are used, frequently FIRST within an argument in order to assure the efficacy of the user’s attempt to manipulate, convince his “audience” of his/her belief, as well as to defend that belief (not “protect” him/herself).

    The use of stereotypes is not about the user (or the user’s “protection.) No “protection” is needed when stereotyping. THIS is the “beauty” of stereotyping. It’s PRIMA FACIE – that is, it APPEARS to BE what it looks like it is :-) at first glance; hence, it appears to be “correct.” And the very “appearance” of its “correctness” “PROVES” its “correctness!”

    But, it is used constantly, and for every purpose (illy- or well-meant), and within every situation, not “only to protect the accuser” but to literally “validate” the accuser.

    Lots of love to you (as always), Johnny!

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