There’s something about the first time you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning that is so revealing. It isn’t something you necessarily think of as you’re staring at the wombat/black-eyed ghost creature that peers droopy eyed back at you after one too many “snoozes” on your alarm clock. What I’m talking about is the moment when you stare yourself down and decide what lies you’ll live that day. It’s a topic that doesn’t get much attention in your day to day, because lying is a sin, but even on the best of days, I think it’s safe to say we lie to ourselves at times and those lies beget more lies we tell to the outside world.
As a defender of all that is true and good even if unpopular, I unfortunately catch myself in this day-to-day possibility of lying. As I slap on the first coat of moisturizer I wonder what I can wear to minimize the weight I’ve gained over the past couple of months. The concealer comes next, and with that gentle middle-finger tap of application over a blemish that evilly brewed itself overnight, I realize that I’m tricking the world into thinking I have perfect skin by the construction of a small, clay mountain. When the first spritz of fragrance hits my wrists pressure points I wonder how to not only conceal my natural scent, but also how to fool the world into seeing me as happy and confident when I am miserable.
I know, I know, this seems super heavy and depressing so far, but it is absolutely true. There are little white lies that happen in everyone’s lives and if you don’t agree, I don’t believe you. Covering up the bad or unsavory is something I’ve become well versed in throughout my life. “No mama, the cat totally opened the door to let that fly in the house.” Even at a young age I learned that a lot of skaters use heaps of chiffon and organza to cover up bad body lines. I learned in tough times, that it may be easier to blame a failed performance or a bad test grade on the weather or having a bad aura color that day.
As I became more followed and well known, I learned that when you have bad or sad news to break you have to do it thoughtfully, and with process. You have to omit or lie to conceal the truth to the people who don’t know you personally, yet know you quite intimately, just until you’re ready, and while that may seem understandable, it’s still a lie that you must live with on a daily basis until the news can splash forth from your swollen eyes and puffy, reddened face.
There is a certain taste of propaganda that we all use when dealing with different people. The overbearing grandmother gets to know that you are working three prestigious jobs who all want you for your wisdom and work ethic and you make over five million a year, when in fact, you’re another one of America’s unemployed.
When you’re hanging out with your girlfriends and they hate your boyfriend, but you love him until proven otherwise, you have to omit certain character traits or situations regarding said boyfriend just to make them shut up. You have to slightly alter the course of the barrage of insults you accept on your boyfriend’s behalf just to allow yourself to make your own decision regarding your relationship. Propaganda is yet another method of concealing what is true in this world.
I am someone who speaks from the heart 95% of the time, however, there are moments when I have to omit, fluff, conceal or propaganda the hell out of things. I assume most of you reading consider yourselves quite the straight shooter as well, but think about the amount of times this week when someone asked “how are you?” and you said “good” just to end the conversation when in actuality, you felt horrible. These little lies are life’s make-up and while necessary at times, they are exhausting. Starting with myself, I vow to speak from the heart, not the mind, and I’m washing off the make-up. Who’s with me?