At first we thought it might be Election Day itself, Nov. 3, when the world could explode in pent-up joy and relief at the demise of Don the Horrible Trump. But no, thanks to the news media’s tortured ways we had nothing conclusive then, and the acid levels grew. Frankly, I thought I’d stayed up late enough Election Night that when I came into the office on midday Wednesday, I’d find spirited polkas and empty champagne bottles.
But no, only droopy faces despite my protests that things were headed in the right direction. Worried visages haunted me at every turn until the great Saturday, Nov. 7, when at last by mid-afternoon the major news organizations announced that Joe Biden had secured enough delegates to put him and Kamala Harris over the Electoral College top. Ah yes, there was a celebration then.
Alas, but the bloated Don the Sour was not done kicking over our picnic blankets. He puffed up his fat face as big as he could make it, scowled his best imitation of his mama’s stink eye, and set out a bunch of loonies across the land to intimidate, threaten and lie that they had the goods on the theft of the election. Poor Rudy Giuliani, now forever the laughing stock of the land, regretted that he doubled up on his Just for Men hair dye dosage, probably because he was still fantasizing about consummating that scene of his in the new Borat film (“Where is she, where is she?” his eyes examining the media gallery in that parking lot outside Four Seasons Landscaping Company where Trump organizers told the press to show up for a major press conference at the Four Seasons Four-Star Hotel).
That was one press conference before Rudy’s Emmy-worthy meltdown a few days later that came amidst a blithering, incoherent rant about vote fraud that lacked, well, a single shred of evidence.
By then the absurdity of Don the Pink (the orange is a dye) and his pathetic, laughable Keystone Cops effort to claim he won the election was more clearly evident than ever. But it was just then that it became the most dangerous.
That’s when he started contacting election officials in key states, and summoning them to the White House, including a team from Michigan. So, if he can’t lie his way through this, then how about a good old fashioned Mafia-style threat, in person, with a bloodied horse head on the Oval Office couch?
Then came news that, yes, one or more of the Republicans on the Michigan election certification team tasked with rubber stamping the outcome of the election, an election that Biden won by more than 150,000 votes, signalled they might not vote to certify the election, but to call for a delay in order to call into question the votes cast in heavily black and pro-Biden Detroit.
This would have been a wholly unprecedented move, an illegal move at that, but which might have signalled that Don the Dump was going for a wholesale coup, and that there was enough backing for that among leading Republicans around the country who could potentially make it stick.
With his darling head of the General Services Administration, a Ms. Emily Murphy, blithely refusing to certify the election in order to trigger the process of transitioning from one president to another, notwithstanding assurances that no one need worry from leading Democratic pundits, there were the considerations that Don the Toilet had received over 70 million votes (albeit six million short of Biden), and partly as a result that many in the GOP behind him held such enormous power without ever challenging that before, and Don the Busted Bidet had never shown the slightest hesitance to bust up the institutions of democracy. And finally, that Don the Sewer might well have the full force of the Russian oligarchy’s dirty tricks efforts behind him as well.
On that latter point, we’re going to find out that an extraordinary effort by U.S. covert counterintelligence ops foiled numerous sophisticated Russian schemes to do just that.
It was that which, finally, broke the capacity of Don the Russian Traitor from carrying out his coup plans.
Nicholas Benton may be emailed at firstname.lastname@example.org.