Growing up, I had the good fortune to have close relationships with my grandparents. My maternal grandmother could wring the necks of chickens for dinner, or drive trailers to Yellowstone and back. My paternal grandmother always packed a lunch for my grandfather, before sending him off to work each day on the docks of Portland. Both of them devoted themselves to raising their families, and did not pursue lifelong careers outside of the home, at a time when careers for women were most often limited to teacher, or nurse.
My own mother became a college professor, encouraged by her parents. She had a fulfilling career and achieved many of her goals, one of which was not to be a traditional grandmother. She loved her grandchildren, but rather than sacrifice her “post-menopausal” life to the care of them (who had their own parents, after all), she chose to grandparent them by teaching through example. She furthered her education. She climbed mountains and traveled the world. Her grandchildren (especially her granddaughters) learned from her that women could lead independent, autonomous lives — fulfill their own dreams, depend on themselves. She showed them fearlessness and self-reliance, those hallmarks of the American spirit. She made her own choices, rather than simply abiding by choices that were made for her.
The “role” of women has been prescribed by many cultures and faiths for millennia — in often strict and limiting ways — and while we should respect the beliefs and tenets of others, as part of our diverse and varied society, this is 21st century America, not the Middle Ages. Women are full partners and participants in American life. It is, and should be, a woman’s right to choose how she wishes to participate in that life. No one — not a spouse, lover, parent, or politician — should stand in the way of a woman’s prerogative to make her own decisions. The thing that makes America great is that we all get a choice — how to live our lives, whom to love, what to believe in, what to strive for. We may fail, but we also have the choice to get back up and try again. Resiliency is also part of the American spirit.
We are currently witnessing two political parties lay out their visions for the future of America, and their visions for the role of women in that future. One party has chosen to elevate a “post-menopausal” woman to run for the highest office in the land. The other has suggested that the role of the “post-menopausal” woman should be nothing more than a glorified babysitter. They wish to return us to a time when the only choices for working women were teacher, or nurse. Maybe secretary. They wish to dictate to women what we can and cannot do with our bodies, and lives. They wish to undo the progress that so many women (and men) have fought and sacrificed for.
I have no difficulty making space for other’s beliefs, as long as they do not infringe on my, or my daughters’ rights. And if you believe that women’s roles should be limited to that of “traditional roles” I say, don’t worry. Kamala Harris’s cabinet will be full of Secretaries.
